I’m Too Old for That.
Two things before you read on: First, not running. I’m not too old for running. Second, Remember while you’re reading, that this story does not end with me smoking pot.
I’ve gotten used to the feeling of being annoyed that many of my friends smoke pot. Actually, if I don’t count the people I go to church with, here at home and my church in Lock Haven, I can only come up with a handful of people that I know that are my age and haven’t smoked pot. It’s just an annoying thing that I’ve learned to live with. To be a jerk about it means to lose friends, and like I said, their are few others.
It’s on my mind right now because lots of people at work today were talking about it. They’re planning to do it tomorrow night or something, and they invited me to come and do it with them. Apparently I would be really fun to hang out with when I’m high (Oh so I’m not fun to hang out with when I’m regular… I have to suck deadly fumes into my lungs to earn that title… gotcha.)
It was probably only a minute- no more then sixty seconds I promise- when I actually considered it. And before you read on I think it’s important to know that, while sixty seconds is a great deal longer then if I had not considered it at all and simply answered right away with a quick and blunt definitely absolutely not, ever, it’s also a lot shorter then some people who go back and forth for days about it. And no one would argue that waiting that long to come to my senses is a million dollars better then actually going through with it.
The only thing that hung me up was, I’ve never done it before. Not that I didn’t have oppurtunities, but the oppurtunities were all at times when I was on fire with the whole “I’m not ever going drink or do drugs thing.” I suppose that fires gone down just a little. I’ll still never drink, because drinking’s no big deal, nobody thinks about you any differently if they know you drink sometimes, or if they know you never drink. Oh and I won’t do drugs either, it just took me that minute to remember why.
I can’t honestly say what else it was that made me want to do it. I was just thinking about how one of my career possibilities is still being a youth pastor, and as a youth pastor I might have to deal with youth who are struggling with this issue, and that maybe, how can I really understand and help them without ever having done it.
But then something else occured to me. What if one of my youth children whatevers asks me if I’ve ever done it. I wouldn’t ever lie to one of my future youth children whatevers, I would say (if I’d done it that is) Yes, I’ve done it, and it was a horrible mistake and I regret it and you shouldn’t do it. That wouldn’t be half as profound as “I was around it a lot, but I never once tried it” because the latter might make him think, “if he can do it I can do it,” while the former would make him think, “if he couldn’t resist temptation, I certainly can’t. Everyone’s gotta try it at least once.”
But that’s just a fantasy. A million years in the future. Right then, when I’m faced with the seemingly easy decision, it comes down to this. I don’t really want to.
When I thought about the fact that “everybody’s doing it,” it made me remember that part about myself that I love, that when everybody’s doing something, I just kinda wanna do something else.
And then there’s this thought that if I go to this house and do it, I would go alone and leave alone. And I just couldn’t stand being the subject of one of those hackneyed stories, “He thought he could handle driving after getting high but he couldn’t.” Just another one of a million newspaper articles and high school assembly lecctures where someone is driving under the influence, causes an accident that kills somebody else but lives, gets hated by the entire community, becomes overcome with guilt, and can’t find any excuse for himself. I’d have no where to hide if that was me, it would follow me around forever.
And yet another reason. People smoke pot because it feels good, right? well, if I have to have this feeling, or even if I just want to have this feeling, then something is probably missing in my life, but you know, there’s just nothing missing. I have school, I have a job, I have a family, friends, enough money; I just don’t have anything that I need to forget about it. My life is full.
And with all of this in mind, it just seems like anymore, sneaking around and lying to your parents, going to someone’s house and getting high, is just kiddie games. You can’t win, you can only lose. Whether you chicken out, or get caught by your parents or the police, or if everything goes smoothly and you get a really good high: you lose. Everyone can do whatever they want, but I’m too old for that game.
Sooo tomorrow evening I’ll be at my friends house watching movies… she works at sears too but because of recent scandelous gossip and bad blood she wasn’t invited to the pot-smoking lose-fest. So there we’ll be… two people who will part for the evening smelling normal and winning.
Tags: marajuana, pot, smoking pot.
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